


Past Lives

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - 1950s, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 07:38:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There are many ways to look at love. Some look at it as something that happens to you. That you just chance upon it and it smacks you in the face. Some look at it as something that builds gradually over time and through the decisions of people. One day your friends with someone and the next moment you look at them, you realize something else has sprung up on you. Well I don’t think I ever chose to love Marco and I don’t think there was ever a sudden moment where it happened spontaneously nor gradually. I think I’ve just always loved him. It’s the way I’m wired. Placed into existence the way the stars and galaxies were. I was meant for Marco. Our shapes and molds fit perfectly. I can’t relate to what other people say about love because for me, Marco was always there, therefore love was always right there with him.





	Past Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Seems millenniums ago love, we were nothing more than stardust, just the galaxy beneath us, we found weight. Then we made it through the ice age, but I lost you in the crusades, I build the pyramids for you, babe, just to see your face. But I keep on falling for you, time after time.”   
> Kesha, Past Lives

***

(Present Day)

Shit. Jean was running late. Again. He groaned when he noticed the time on his clock and practically fell out of his bed to make his way to the restroom. There, he squirted toothpaste onto his toothbrush and jammed the thing into his mouth, scrubbing at his teeth furiously. Once done, he slithered on some clothes that smelled decent and rushed into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and grabbing a water. He slid open one of the cabinet doors, yanking a bagel out of its plastic wrapping and seizing hold of it in his mouth, not even bothering to slather on any cream cheese or jam in his hurry. Placing his water down on the small table located by the front door of his mother’s house, he hopped up and down as he attempted to slide his shoes onto his feet. Jean grabbed his water and threw his backpack over his shoulder as he practically ripped the hinges off the door trying to get it open. He made a beeline for the car, starting the engine as soon as hopping in. 

He ate his plain bagel as he drove, the whole time grumbling under his breath about how his alarm clock was a piece of shit that most definitely forgot to go off on it’s own accord. This was probably his fifth time running late for his English writing class and he was only half sure that there was a paper due in it by today. Jean pulled onto the interstate, gulping the last of his bagel and washing it away with a swig of his water. And of course, just his luck, there was traffic. The cars in front of him inched to a crawl and Jean gave a very loud and audible huff. He almost willed the cars to go faster but they ignored him and continued their slow pace. 

By the time he made it to campus, he was already five minutes late to his class. And he still needed to park and walk to the building his classroom was in. He hurried as quickly as he could, doing his best not to run into anybody in his rush, and made it to the classroom ten minutes late. He opened the door while his teacher was mid sentence, and ducking his head away from the attention of the classroom, made his way to a seat in the back. 

“Hey man, where you been?” His friend Connie Springer slide over and asked in a hushed whisper, so as not to be noticed by their professor. 

“Slept in.” Jean grumbled his response. 

“Again? Man, you need a new alarm clock.” 

“I know, I just haven’t had the time to get one. Hey did we have a paper due today?” Jean asked. 

“Nope. He pushed it to next week.” 

“Oh thank God.” Jean let out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t think I’ve even started it.” 

“You okay, dude?” Connie asked, a concerned look forming on his features. 

Jean nodded. “Yeah, I’ve just been a little stressed lately. They’ve had me working double hours at the garage because Eren’s been out sick for like a full week now.” Not to mention the weird dreams he’d been having lately. But he wasn’t about to mention that to Connie. 

The rest of class went agonizingly slow. They weren’t even doing anything that important and to Jean, it seemed like his rush and panic this morning had been a complete waste. When class finally was over though, Connie waved to Jean as they headed in opposite directions towards their next class. 

The rest of Jean’s classes for the day seemed to follow in the pattern of his English class. They were all boring and it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to keep his eyes from slipping shut and just nodding off in the middle of a lecture. He was dead tired. Working the extra hours at the car repair garage on top of the dreams that woke him in the middle of the night, left him feeling drained. Jean quickly ruffled his hands through the sandy colored hair at the top of his head and dragged his fingers down his face, trying and failing to rub the tiredness from his eyes. 

At least he was off work tonight. Some other poor soul was stuck working Eren’s extra hours instead of Jean this time. He knew that when he got home, he’d probably head straight for the comfort of his bed. 

Jean was good at working on cars. It was something his dad had taught him from an early age. And it wasn’t so bad all the time, it just wasn’t something he could see himself doing for the rest of his life. What exactly he _could_ see himself doing, he wasn’t quite sure, that’s why his major was “exploratory”. He like that term so much better than “undetermined”. It made it sound like he was trying proactively to figure out what to do with his future rather than just claiming that he didn’t know. Still, it’d probably be better to figure out sooner what he actually wanted to do. College was expensive enough as is, he didn’t need extra years and extra money tacked on just because he didn’t know what he wanted to major in. 

By the time of the end of his last class, Jean hurried to the parking lot, aching for the chance to relax and just do nothing. In his hurry he passed one of the numerous small coffee shops on campus. This one was one of the less popular ones, especially in comparison to the Starbuck’s located not far from here. Jean glanced in through the window and caught a glimpse of the man behind the counter. It was hard to tell from the distance but he looked just a few inches taller than him. He had broad shoulders and dark hair, the edges of his bangs hanging down onto his forehead. Glimpsing his face, Jean could see that the man was staring at him, his eyes following as Jean made his way in front of the small shop. It was probably nothing, Jean shrugged. It was probably just a slow day and the guy was most likely passing his time people watching. Jean knew that was always something _he_ resorted to when bored and he soon forgot all about it. 

*** 

Jean gave a weary sigh as he unlocked the front door and entered his house. It looked like his mom wasn’t home yet, so he headed straight for his room, or more precisely, straight for his _bed._ After flopping down onto it and pulling the covers up to his nose, making himself warm and comfortable, his phone, sitting on his desk on the opposite side of his room, decided to ring. Not even ringing, more like fucking screeching at top, at least that’s how what Jean thought. He gave a loud groan but eventually kicked the covers away and got up to retrieve his phone. 

He gave another grumble looking at the contact screen, seeing that it was the garage calling. Not a good sign. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, Jean? I’m really sorry about this, I know it’s your night off but Reiner bailed on us and we could really use the help.” It was his boss, Erwin Smith. Despite the circumstances and Jean’s anger at the situation, Erwin really did sound sympathetic and maybe a little desperate. “I’ll throw in a bonus in your paycheck this week, if that sweetens the deal at all.” 

Jean sighed and responded. “Yeah, okay fine. I’ll be there in a little bit.” 

“Thanks man. We really owe you.” 

_Yeah and I owe Reiner a kick in the ass,_ Jean thought as he rubbed his temples with his hands, willing his emerging headache to leave before it could get to worse proportions. 

Jean exhaled loudly. This seemed to be his life lately. Shit toppling over him and pulling him under until he was so stressed he couldn’t think straight. Somehow, Jean couldn’t shake the feeling that this couldn’t be all that life had to offer him. The working long extra hours. The homework that made him want to slam his brain under a hammer. The crippling anxiety that he needed to get his shit figured out _now_ before it affected his future too greatly.

No, Jean somehow felt there was something _more_. And he felt like it was waiting for him just around the corner. Something big. Jean just wished that whatever it was, that it would help take some of the burden that has become his life off of his shoulders. 

Jean slid his feet into his shoes and headed for the front door. He sent a quick text to his mom explaining that he wouldn’t make it to dinner because of work. She’d be disappointed, but hey, at least it’d be more money for them in the long run. 

He opened the door and stepped out into the afternoon light, hoping the night wouldn’t be too strenuous on him. 

***

Jean sat up. The room was dark and stuffy. He kicked his blankets off of him to get away from the heat that caused them to cling to him during the night. He was breathing heavy and he tried to take in big gulps of air as if he had been deprived of it throughout his sleep. As usual, he couldn’t remember what his dream was about, but somehow this time felt different. He still couldn’t remember completely, but it was almost like he could glimpse it. Blurry though, as if looking at it through smudged glass or rippled water. He could see a figure, but not who it was. He could tell well enough though that it was a man with broad shoulders. Jean furrowed his brow, unable to make any sense of it. 

Once Jean’s breathing was reduced to one of normal pacing, he got up and out of bed. His clock on his phone claimed that it was six in morning. He let out a grouse. He most definitely did _not_ want to be awake at that moment, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. 

He stumbled to the bathroom and started a shower. He let the water run over his face and drip down his chest, his hair flopping down into his eyes. He stood there for a moment, just absorbing the feeling of the warm water on his skin and the build of humidity in the room. He then quickly went to washing his hair and body. Not wanting to take up _all_ the hot water, he shut the shower off and pulled open the curtain, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. He moved to stand in front of the mirror, wiping the clouded fog away to reveal the image of his wet face and dripping hair. He had bags under his eyes and he looked exceptionally tired. That may or may not have had something to do with the unexpected hours he spent working at the garage last night. Jean heaved a sigh and reached in the bathroom cabinet for his toothbrush. 

Once he was all dried and his hair looked somewhat decent, he pulled some clothes on and headed downstairs to look for some food. His mother was already there at the stove and he breathed in the delicious smell of sizzling bacon. 

“Oh mom, did I ever tell you how amazing you are?” He says, padding up behind her and giving her a hug. 

She simply smiled and said, “Yes, funny how you always seem to remind me when I’m making food.” 

Jean leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before turning away towards the cabinets to grab plates and silverware. “That’s because you’re like double-amazing when you’re cooking.” He said as he set the plates out on the table. 

“Is that so?” His mother said and laughed. 

Jean was happy that he had a good relationship with his mom. After his dad left when he was a freshman in high school, he knew he’d always do his best to keep his mom close. Part of the reasoning was out of fear that someday, she might get too tired and want to leave him too. Although his mother had told him countless times that his father’s disappearance was not his fault, and that there was no chance he’d be getting rid of his mother anytime soon, he still couldn’t shake the fear that had rooted itself deep within him. 

“They didn’t work you too hard last night, did they?” She asked as she brought the food to the table. 

He reached for the gallon of milk and began to pour himself a glass as he answered. “No, I’m just exhausted from all these extra hours. I just wish Eren would get better already and get his ass back to work.” 

He reached over, filling his plate with eggs, toast, and mounds of bacon. His mom gave him a thoughtful look before speaking. “Well I’m sure he doesn’t mean to be such a burden right now. With how fast the weather’s changing I’m surprised you haven’t gotten sick yet, Jeanbo.” 

Jean gave a slight groan at the nickname but didn’t complain. He knew how much his mother loved it, and if it really made her that happy, he’d try to accept it. Although it was kinda embarrassing whenever he’d have friends over and she’d call him it in front of them. They always liked to give him a hard time about it and would repeat the name to annoy him. Sasha Brouse, Connie’s girlfriend, was especially prone to this behavior.

They talked briefly through their breakfast but it was just gentle conversation about school and how his friends were doing. One perk of being so close to his mother was that he could practically tell her anything. And she somehow always knew what to say. If he was struggling in a class, or was having a falling out with a friend, she’d tell him that it would all work out and that far in the future, it wouldn’t seem nearly as important and life-threatening as it did now. She made him calm and happy. And he was always grateful for that. 

After finishing breakfast, his mother gave him a quick kiss on the forehead before making her way out the door to leave for work. Jean himself, still had a few hours before he needed to leave for class. Today he only had two classes and the first class wasn’t even until noon. He took the dishes from their breakfast and placed them in the sink, deciding he should go ahead and clean them. Once they were cleaned, dried, and placed away in their designated areas within the kitchen, Jean gave a lost look around. He twiddled his thumbs together, not really sure what he should do. He assumed he _could_ work on the paper for his English class that he hadn’t started yet, but English didn’t really come that easily to him. So naturally, he decided he’d just procrastinate it until later.

He plopped himself on the couch flipped through the channels on the T.V. but nothing overtly interesting was on. Before he knew it, Jean was closing his eyes and nodding off towards sleep. 

He started awake at the sound of his phone ringing. He looked at it seeing it was Connie. “Hello?” 

“Jean? Dude, where are you? You missed class. I texted you like a zillion times. I thought you DIED!” 

Jean pulled his phone away from his ear to peer at the time and sure enough it was around the time that his first class got out. He groaned, sitting upright. “Shit Connie, did I miss anything major?” 

“Nah dude, just notes. You can copy mine. Are you doin alright? It seems like you’ve been having a rough go at things.” Connie said with the same lilt of worry in his voice as the day before. 

Jean rubbed at his face, digging his knuckles into his eye sockets as he yawned. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just been having some trouble sleeping lately. But I promise dude, I’m fine. Don’t sweat it.” 

There was a tense silence before Connie spoke up. “Okay, Kirschtein I don’t really believe you but I know how stubborn you are. I just want you to know I’m worried about you man. I’m here for you, okay? Let me know if you ever need my help.”

Jean sighed. He didn’t deserve a friend like Connie. “Yeah, yeah. Okay. Enough with the mushy crap, I’m gonna get sick. Don’t you have a class to go to anyways?” 

“Oh shoot. Gotta blast!” Jean heard the click of the call ending and laughed to himself. He lifted his head, looking around at his surroundings. 

The air seemed still and quiet, making it easier for Jean’s thoughts to wrap themselves around him in a tight vice. He tried hard, desperately hard, to find a handhold and grasp what on earth he might’ve dreamed of while he slept. But the only thing he found was a scraping emptiness felt in the pit of his stomach. Connie was right in not believing Jean. Something was wrong and Jean was certainly not okay. He just couldn’t figure out exactly why that was. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I don't know if anyone will see this or was interested in this fic in the first place, but I'm planning on using National Novel Writing Month to work on this! So hopefully you'll be seeing some updates and more chapters here in the near future! Also, if you would like, maybe check out my ko-fi and drop me something. I'd really appreciate it! https://ko-fi.com/kaylah


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